WARNING: I don't think I'm sufficiently over my Christmas/New Year/birthday superhangover yet to be fully comprehensible, so apologies in advance if this post seems a bit disjointed!
1.) WHAT ARE THESE. WHAT EVEN ARE THEY.
If I, the girl who has championed scrunchies and who recently bought these shoes just to prove a point (although I happen to think that they're both comfy and beautiful, however ridiculous my friends think they are), says there's something wrong with these, then there's a problem. I just can't even, I mean what even....? NO. I'd probably be much less offended if they weren't £190. I MEAN. I MEAN. WHAT?
2.) SCRUNCHIE PUBLIC INFORMATION UPDATE.
Saw a girl wearing an oxblood scrunchie on NYE. I would have high fived her but she looked like the sort of mean hipster who would leave me hanging. Which reminds me: must stop instigating high fives in 2013, I look like a nerd.
3.) KANYEDASHIAN BABEH.
Imagine the potential ego on that child. On sixteenth birthday he/she will probably claim to be the Messiah. Or Father Christmas. I think it's going to be a boy and they'll call it Bentley T Rex. Might be projecting a bit there (I've just renamed my son Beyonce Brightside, but he's not going for it so far.).
4.) OPERATION WEIGHTLOSS.
I've actually eaten so much food over the past month that I am basically bored of food and hankering for some salad and exercise, both of which will happen as soon as I can be bothered to move again. Furthest I've got so far is rolling off the sofa to play cars with my son. Now I'm just lying on the floor, confused as to when and how I became a makeshift road.
5.) OH LORD, COME TO MAMA.
These boots are my dream boots. Tall and sturdy and just the right amount of clomp. Topshop, you really have to stop clambering into my head and making my dreams and wishes so bloody expensive. Gits.
6.) MY ONE AND ONLY.
So the sales were rubbish, or was it just me? I only found one thing, and it was a case of love across the shop floor:
Just one, in my size, plonked on the edge of the sale rail (weirdly, this is how I usually find my best sale buys), but superficial shopping terror set in when I saw another girl get there first. I loitered about for a bit, sulking, whilst she argued with her boyfriend about whether or not they were ridiculous. He won and she flung them down and stormed off. I snatched them up gleefully, full of the joys of singledom (not that I'd ever let a boyfriend dictate to me what I could and couldn't wear, get some balls sweetheart). In a way, winning. Although hashtag forever alone, but who cares, I've got these to help me through the dark times.
Christmas nails, "It's Chriiistmaaaas!", Parent's tree, carousel,
Christmas day, Christmas eve, I wish I had one of these in my house, #imnotobsessed,
best present, festive Tesco (you go, Tesco), wobbly eyes, more cake,
my tree, knock off Baileys, hugely appropriate birthday card, twenty five in two thousand and thirteen.